Friday, May 19, 2006

brokenness - pain

Brokenness – This weekend has really challenged me in the areas of my life that I do not enjoy entering into, but that I need to enter into. It is really hard to quite our lives, it is hard for me to quite myself, to be attentive to God. When I approach God in prayer, by which I mean experience his holiness, it does produce a feeling of woe is me. I am aware of the sin in my life, that I have not right to approach God. To share in Paul’s words from Romans 7, I do what I do not want to do, and I don’t do what I do want to do. The nature of sin, it’s treacherous, it’s vile, and it’s destructive. So, most days I choose to ignore it. When I choose to ignore it, I miss the heart of God. We are all people desiring more, but why do we refuse to allow ourselves to be broken before God, so that he might give us life, and give it to the fullest.

Pain – If I had to sum up the forum in one word it would be pain. I am aware of the pain in my own life, my struggle with insecurity, a fear of abandonment, and also general self-assessment of inadequacy. Yet this leads to brokenness.

I feel the pain in my family, and I hope and I pray that they might experience the grace and the hope that comes from God the father.

The hardest thing for me when I move to practicing the presence of God in my life is the pain I sense all around me. I have come close to nervous breakdowns walking into crowds of people, because I sense their inner turmoil. As some have shared their stories with me this week, I found myself fighting tears. I can sense God’s love for the world, so much so that it pains him to see the mess that we are all in. Will we move into the hard path of brokenness, which yields repentance, which brings grace, which gives life.

C.S. Lewis, said that pain is God’s megaphone to the world. If you are experiencing pain, be it physical, emotional, or spiritual – turn to God. The cross is evidence that one He cares, and two that pain serves a purpose, a redemptive purpose in our lives. Pain can put us in touch with God. He mourns with you, he cares for you.

“The Christian life is not one of ascent in knowledge, but descent into death, but this death brings life” – Dave Johnson

“Anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it”. – Matt 10:38-39

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